Not My Thong In The MRI Machine

HE FAKED THE SCIENCE. HE FAKED THE MARRIAGE. HE FORGOT WHO HOLDS THE LICENSE.

Dr. Holland Silvers isn't a wife. She's "the mop girl." Just ask her husband's mistress.

Chance Wesker is the tanned, ageless, tirelessly-filming face of PEAK HUMAN, the wellness clinic where the region's most fundable people pay $2,500 to be slid into a "youth chamber" that will, he promises, reverse their cellular age. Holland is the hospital's MRI safety officer — the medical physicist who keeps the two-million-dollar magnet from turning a careless visitor into a headline, and whose name, not his, is on every license that lets the machine legally exist. He sells the future. She keeps it from killing anyone. It works, right up until she screens the bore one morning looking for a missing safety report and finds a stranger's thong fused to the inside of the machine.

Chance swears it's a promotional sample. Magnetic-therapy underwear. A whole line.

Holland doesn't scream. Holland doesn't cry. Holland pulls the logs.

Because here's what the great Chance Wesker never bothered to learn about his very boring wife: she reads everything. The licenses. The liability policy. The manual for the smart-suite he wired to obey his voice on camera — the one that has been recording every word said inside that machine for months, including the part where he tells a 600,000-follower influencer that the scan "doesn't do anything," and that people don't pay to be optimized. They pay to be told they're the kind of person who optimizes.

Now there's a livestreamed franchise launch on Saturday. Investors. The mayor's office. A magnet that only stays legal because of her signature. And a front-row influencer already captioning her plans to "evict the mop girl."

They're all about to learn what the magnet has always known, what only Holland ever respected: it is always on, it does not care who you are, and the most dangerous thing in the room was never the one you could see.

A complete, laugh-out-loud revenge novella with a wife you'll cheer for, a husband who has it coming, and the most satisfying product launch that never aired. No cheating heroine, no cliffhanger, closed door. Every book in the Oh No He Didn't series stands completely on its own.