I Fed His Midlife Crises A Laxative

Twenty years of marriage, three gym locations, and one Pilates-teaching mistress.

Sheridan Nelson is the brains, the bookkeeper, and the flawless financial guarantor keeping Iron City Fitness afloat. Her husband, Parker, is the heavily spray-tanned, protein-chugging face of the franchise who just hit a cliché midlife crisis.

When Sheridan discovers Parker’s affair with a twenty-something wellness influencer, she doesn’t scream, cry, or throw his chicken and broccoli at the wall. Instead, she hires a terrifyingly competent lawyer and weaponizes the one thing Parker has always avoided: reading his boring corporate paperwork.

But legal ruin isn't the only thing brewing. Parker has started blindly downing his mistress's untested "botanical" supplements right before the biggest bodybuilding competition of his life. Sheridan knows exactly what’s in those cream-colored capsules, and she knows they violate the federation's substance policy. But sometimes, the most devastating revenge is just sitting quietly in section C with a VIP pass and letting nature take its course.

A hilarious, razor-sharp short story about karma, corporate housekeeping, and the joy of taking out the trash.